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Repatriate Teacher Blues

I have so many posts in my head. I still remember the day I got off the plane and went looking for a car because it was Sunday and I didn't want to be bothered with sales people...It's only been about 3 months-I should remember everything.

The problem is that I'm SO BUSY. Half the time I feel like I am chasing my tail. I go from worry to doubt and frustration and a bit of anger. Once, I sat down to do my weekend work and cried before my piles of paper. Shortly after, I pulled myself together and got on with my work.

I worry because for the past 7 years I have been teaching ESL students with little to no English language. It was an adjustment but I ended up doing really well. Here, I feel like I've stepped on a bullet train and I'm not used to going this fast. Meanwhile, I know that there is no time for me to pull it together and get in the groove. Sometimes, I go to sleep thinking about how I'm letting my kids down and how I will look terrible, and how they won't be prepared for next year.

I doubt myself because the rules are so different and with little to no resources, I often feel like I'm treading water. I'm tired and too often I don't have the full picture so I am forced to learn as I go and I find myself reminding others that I am new to public school. I remind myself that I have taught children with no English the basic skills for reading but then I think about the fact that I have not taught English speaking kids to read and it scares me.

I am frustrated for the reasons listed above. Mix in some anger with that because of everything that has been pushed down on the children in kindergarten. I can't continue (and be productive) this cycle because I sometimes feel like I am chasing my tail.

There was one day this week where I was so proud of my students for their station work. I donned on me that night that I should be proud of myself too because they have come a ways from the beginning of the year. Unfortunately, I can't dwell on that for too long, We have a long way to go and I'm still searching for a clear road map to get there.

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