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Guilt

Today I felt guilty for getting an email letting me know there are openings at one of the best schools in my city. I've not interviewed but felt the guilt just the same. But why? Because it isn't fair for me to remain in a situation where I am not growing, where I am barely functioning this year, and possibly having the value of my resume go down if I stay at a "failing school". I know those kids need my smilling face, the free hugs, and words of encouragement. Even the ones who _________________ and burn my noodle! Those parents need my dedication (even in my imperfections). They deserve a teacher who loves her job and the children she serves without distinction between them for socioeconomic reasons. What they never tell you in college: Teaching is abusive.
Recent posts

It's That Time Again

Transfer time. I requested a transfer AND interviewed in a neighboring county. I even had an in (maybe) with a Teacher of the Year at a pretty good school that was about 15 mins from my house and brand new. I was hopeful but never too excited. May 5th is the last day to hear back and my district doesn't prioritize updating parts of their webpage so no job updates. Meanwhile, I know where I stand with the other county because they update their job posts as jobs are filled. Yet another reason their county is better than ours. But I digress... I was never an optimistic person so from the jump, I figured my teammates would get transferred even though I was ready to get out as soon as I got there. It looks like we will all be there so I'm not getting any kind of shakeup. I began to wonder what God has planned for me. Why can't I get out? My resume shows my experience and work ethic and I have great references. This place has taken me places even moving across the world to te

Two Down, Two To Go

I’ve never been happier to be on a break. I had a migraine a few weeks ago that put me down and I have been overwhelmed with finding out I have executive functioning deficits and everything about me says I have ADD. And it’s not like I haven’t thought this before but I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t have the time to compensate for it so I spend so much of my time redoing things, getting back to old lists, and cleaning up all the mess I’ve left in my wake. If I don’t get some help with this soon, I don’t foresee this year turning around for me to the point where I feel like I’ve done a great job with the kids and that’s disappointing. In the meantime, I’m relaxing and starting to feel like I will be ok. One more Sunday without the stress of prepping and I think I’ll be ok!

First Case of Monday Blues

I admit it. I'm 39 and the other week I had my first case of Monday blues. I was over it. Everything. I found myself looking at everyone I encountered who seemed to have a normal 9-5 and wondered if I could work in an office or do what my brain tells me is a mundane job. I was miserable for a considerable amount of that day and I can't figure out how someone could live their whole life like that! I could't live waiting for Friday and dreading Mondays! My problem is that I love my job. Well, actually, I love my career. I loved my job in Pre-k (some 8.5 years ago). The problem is the pay. And I can't even lie. I (we) have it a LOT better than some teachers in other states. My heart goes out to them because I don't know what I would do in their situation. Actually, I left the country for pay so I guess I DO know what I would do. To be more specific- I was willing to pack up, sell my things, HELL, give away my DOG, to have a better life. It shouldn't be this way.

She Said I Wasn't Listening

There were times when I taught overseas that I thought I wasn't going to make it and I was at a good school. Sometimes, you get tired of foolishness, lack of communication, seeing people being singled out in unprofessional ways, and seeing people being judged on their teaching skills when you know their interaction in classroom has been sporadic and/or their recommendations aren't necessarily sound. So, imagine my dismay when I realized that I'm in a very similar situation now. I noticed confused looks on new teacher's faces as we walked around wondering when we would be sat down and talked to about policies and procedures. Instead, we were told to ask our teammate. Fine. But if I didn't know something I should have, I felt like I was a snitch because they'd ask who you went to for help. I have to work with these people for a year. I'm good on that. Once I realized the situation I was in, I buckled down and got my room together as best I could with what

I've Got 99 Problems, is America One?

It has been so long since I've written here that I couldn't remember the name of my blog since I changed it. It isn't that I haven't wanted to write. Unfortunately, I had so much to do for most of this school year that blogging was the furthest thing from my mind. I didn't start feeling more like a human until school was coming to an end. Over the past couple weeks I have REALLY been feeling like a human-I finally unpacked my office and put everything away, the reading room is set up, and I am able to read and I am stress free! BUT...and there has to be a but with the title, no? The but is that this may be short lived. As much as I try to prepare for the upcoming year, I know that I work in a high stress environment (although it doesn't have to be that way). I want and need better this time around and plan on being proactive in that regard starting with putting down the phone and doing productive things! But on to this list. Because last week marked my ON